Doubt is good.
It is an inherent part of anyones spiritual journey. I have had my fair share of doubt.
It comes every now and then, in different orders of magnitude.
Recently, I came across an article in regards to Yogi Bhajan
, a key figure in bringing Kundalini
to the West. I have a great affinity for his school and having found Kundalini a while back, It is a fundamental part of my daily well-being routine.
The article outlined several purported accusations against Bhajan. Immediately my mind went into a spirals.
I told myself.“This guy is a fraud, this entire thing is a fraud!”
How quickly I had come to the conclusion that all my years of study in this discipline and countless hours of practice were meaningless,,,
And then it all became to clear to me,
the power of the egoic mind.
I had a smile on my face,
The ego had struck again, but I knew it.
“Fraud” or “non-fraud” are egoic labels that we attach to things in order for our egoic mind to accept or reject something.
I knew my thought patterns were clearly egoic.
Fraud is just a word. Just a label. Just a judgement.
Perhaps I could let it go.
“But Isn’t TRUTH is more important?”
Well,,,,,,Truth is tricky.
I could deny the visible benefits that this practice had for not just me, but so many other countless individuals.
Placebo effect? Truth? Fraud? does it really matter if it is bringing positivity into my life?
It of course does not stop with this small example.
Doubt is everywhere, in every religion, in every belief system. Kabbalah? check. Christianity? check. Zoroastrianism? check. And so on and so forth. If it has to do with spirituality, there is doubt.
Doubt is everywhere.
There are things we call “cults” and there are “religions”…. what differentiates between the two? The number of followers? How long its been around?
The “Jesus Movement”, was started by a rebellious Jew, it was deemed as heretical and a threat to the state. It would later become one of the worlds biggest religions.
So when did it go from cult to religion?
Cult. Religion. Christianity. Jew. what are these but names? Nothing.
They are exactly what our egoic mind needs. Labels, judgements.
To divide and to separate…
My ego craves to “know”, and to justify that what I am doing is right.
Did Jesus perform miracles?
Did He even exist?
The Historicity of Jesus of Nazareth is a noisy mess of theories. I don’t have proof of any of it.
How can I know?!
Simple as that.
This is the obvious reality of our world. There are so many things that we CANNOT know. Therefore doubt and questioning are ingrained into the very fabric of our lives.
Its our desire to acquire truth, in there realm of knowledge, that actually separates us from the divine truth. And It is this separation from divine truth that keeps people constantly feeling empty, desiring more, and suffering.
We keep looking for perfection in anything spiritual, and are so quick to point out shortcomings.
“Why is spiritual organization trying to ask me for money?! Frauds!”
“So many people die in the name of religion! Religion is bad!”
We need to judge, we need to label.
This is either good for me or bad for me.
This person is my friend or not my friend.
I love you , I hate you……
When I see something and go immediately from white to black. I know that this is ego.
When I go immediately from love to hate. I know that this is ego.
From one polar extreme to another, in a matter of seconds, Ego loves to say, “this is how things are”,, “this is my reality”.
But your reality is fickle, don’t you see?
Im sure you have seen that person you love so much all of a sudden become and enemy? What is the reality there?
Truth,,,,, is tricky.
We have been conditioned to think polemically; that something either is, or is not. But how can something be and not be at the same time?
The answer is “Consciousness”.
In a field of consciousness something can occupy two spaces at once. And this is the nature of our lives. Our universe
Simply observing this points to the immateriality of our perceived truths.
Within light there is dark, within dark there is light. Ying and Yang.
All truths are only half truths.
Divine truth is beyond our plane. Trying to “know” with our feeble egoic mind is futile.
Ego, in fact, IS the distance between us and the divine truth.
Thus, I strive to remove ego, to quiet my constantly thinking, judging, rationalizing brain.
To be still.
The closest we can come to the truth is in the present moment.
In the here.
In the now.
I can choose to be happy.
I can choose to be sad.
I can choose to believe.
I can choose not to believe.
Or I can choose to just be.
I can choose to play the game of trying to “think” my way through things, trying to rationalise if this is “right” or “wrong”.
Or I can choose to be still.
If all we have is the present moment, and all the present moment is is a choice, what are we to do?
Without ego, there would be no choice.
I can choose to reject Mohammed, I can choose to reject Gautama Buddha, I can choose to reject everything spiritual. Or I can chose to see these as beacons of light filtered through the lens of our imperfect 3 dimensional place, into the chaotic world that we live in.
We are human. We make mistakes. We see the small erroneous actions of a minority and are quick to discredit an entire religion! Every belief system has its shortcomings, Every spiritual leader has their flaws. Gandhi
, Moses, and even Jesus
Pure light only exists in the higher realm.
On our very messy plane down here there is ALWAYS room for our ego, our opponent, to step in and run amok.
Doubt is ego.
Doubt is a form of suffering.
It is rooted in the logical mind, the rational mind,,, the egoic mind. It is this mind constantly trying to connect the dots, constantly trying to reconcile.
When you sit to meditate, what separates you from simply being?
Stuck in the past, or worrying about tomorrow.
A wise sage was once asked, “How do we know if we are on the path to enlightenment?” His answer was ‘the less you think, the closer you are to enlightenment’
Egoic thought , our desire to know, and doubt are all play a pivotal role in our spiritual evolution.
Through these we suffer.
Suffering, with the right consciousness leads to growth. As Ram Dass puts its
“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise”.
These egoic conditions serve not only as tools of separation but also as tools of connection.
Through our conscious awareness of our ego, we attain wisdom.
We begin to see our own internal garbage, and how enslaved we really are to this force.
Doubt is a question.
Doubt brings us to the here and now,
Doubt makes us choose.
Doubt is Good.
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